Who are you? Who are you?

“I’m a walrus.”

I’m also a married father of 3 and a lifelong resident of Morristown, NJ. I’m a medical writer by day, a screenwriter by night, and a pop-culture junkie from birth. My hobbies include coaching youth sports, binge-watching classic TV shows with my children, and rom-comming with my wife.

My bio says I graduated Seton Hall University with a BA, but that’s BS. I studied the Gospel According to John Hughes growing up, majored in Entertainment Weekly in college, and have a post-grad dream of nurturing my semi-autobiographical screenplay onto the big screen. And in doing so, turning Morristown, New Jersey into the 21st century heir apparent of Shermer, Illinois. If not, I’ll settle for writing The Hot List for Entertainment Weekly. “Yah…and monkeys might fly out of my butt.”

The categories of my entertainment blog follow the John Hughes script of high school stereotypes and lend further support to my belief that there’s a brain, basket case, princess, athlete, and criminal in all of us.

On Dear Mr. Vernon, you’ll find me writing as…

  • The Brain: a film historian whose commentary is directed at neo maxi zoom dweebies who can quote movie lines the way Tim Tebow quotes scripture.
  • The Basket Case: a pop-culture schizophrenic who rants and raves about the sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads we all adore.
  • The Princess: a lover of chick flicks who can’t hold his smoke and was once accused of reciting When Harry Met Sally in its entirety to his daughter at bedtime.
  • The Jock: a righteous dude who coaches youth sports, hasn’t officially retired from being a youth, and equates loving the Mets with living a Greek tragedy.
  • The Criminal: a slightly less secure, yet exceedingly more sarcastic version of Chandler Bing. He often comes across as a retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole jerk.  

All in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions.

“Does that answer your question?”

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